The Church and People With Mild Autism

I think that there has been some improvement in the church's willingness to embrace and minister to people with autism and their families. But often the people with autism that the church has in mind are those on the severe end of the spectrum.

What about those with mild autism?

These are the people who have what was once called Asperger's Syndrome but is now just mild autism. You may not even know that they have autism. These are people that have intense interests that they want to talk about all the time. These are the people who struggle to know what is socially appropriate. You likely think of them as quirky rather than autistic.

There is a certain amount of compassion for those who are on the severe end of the autism spectrum. But those who are more mild do not necessarily benefit from this compassion. They may be easily left out and isolated.

Remember that autism does not always look the same. Have the same love for that teenager who always talks about airplanes as you do for the child who is nonverbal.

5 Things To Do When a Child With Autism Makes Noise in Church

Children with autism are known for making noise in church. Sometimes they say what some adults want to say. One Sunday, our son said with a fairly loud voice during the service, "Just kill me now!" In case you are wondering, I wasn't preaching at the time.

You need to realize that parents are very aware of the noise their children make and it is always easier to just stay at home rather than to risk uncomfortable situations. How people in the church react will determine if those parents will ever return to the church.

Here are five things to do when a child with autism makes noise in church.

1. Do not allow yourself to give the parents a dirty look. They know their child made the noise. Your dirty look will not help the situation and will likely make it worse.

2. If you do look at the parents during the noise, look at them with a smiling and caring face.

3. Say a prayer for the family. Not a prayer for the child to shut up but a prayer for calmness and peace for both the parents and the child.

4. Give thanks to God that a family with autism has been willing to come to your church.

5. Make a note to talk to the parents after church and tell them that you are glad they are a part of your church family.

What If Your Church Can't Start a Disability Ministry?

There are some large churches that have very organized and well staffed disability ministries. They have a sizeable budget and may have a specific pastor or other staff member overseeing it. These are the ministries that we often hear about.

But what if you are at church like mine? We are a small church with one pastor and not enough resources to have a specific disability ministry. We have two people with autism in our congregation and it would be difficult to build a ministry around them, especially since once is a child and the other an adult.

I want you to hear this one thing:

YOU DO NOT NEED A DISABILITY MINISTRY TO MINISTER TO THOSE WITH DISABILITIES!

Think about it this way. Our church does not have a specific men's ministry and yet we minister to the men in our congregation. Ministry does not have to mean separating one group away from the others. We minister to the men, the same way we minister to everyone in the congregation.

The same is true for those with disabilities. I care for the people in our congregation with autism, not because they have autism, but because they are a part of our church family.

Now I understand that disabilities can produce some unique challenges. Physical disabilities are accommodated by making the building wheel chair accessible and having elevators. Developmental disabilities will need their own accommodations.

I will not go into details about how exactly to do that, as there are many posts on this blog, as well as my book, How to Make Your Church-Autism Friendly, which give practical tips.

The main thing is that a church not turn away a person with a disability just because they don't have a disability ministry. We would not turn away men because we don't have a men's ministry. You minister to people with disabilities the same way you minister to anyone, by loving them, treating them with respect and pointing them to Jesus.

Why the Church Should Care About People With Disabilities

Life to the Full Conference from Julie's Photograph on Vimeo.

You can find out more about the Life to the Full conference here.

How to Pray for Families With Autism

I was speaking with one of our deacons this morning about the importance of prayer. We were saying that even if a person is not able to volunteer for a ministry, they can always pray. Prayer is one of the most important things that we do as a church.

So how does prayer fit with ministry to families with autism?

There are no lack of things to pray for when it comes to autism. Here are just a few:

• Safety for the child with autism.
• Strong marriage for the parents.
• Emotional and spiritual strength.
• Access to therapy and treatments.
• An easier time of transitions.
• Protection from bullies and increased respect and acceptance.
• Financial aid for all the things that go along with autism.
• New breakthroughs in development.

I think any family would be happy with these prayers. But I didn't list healing of autism in this list. Why is that?

For one thing, such prayers have been used as a weapon (even unintentionally) against families with autism. We have had people question our faith as to why our children still have autism. After all, we just need to ask in Jesus' name and it is done.

I do believe that God does heal but I do not believe that God guarantees healing for every Christian. The lack of healing does not reflect a lack of faith. It is hard enough to deal with autism, being accused of being faithless only makes things worse. I would suggest that it takes more faith to raise a child with autism than it takes to be healed.

But do we want autism to be healed anyway?

Autism is not a disease. It is not something like cancer that is only bad. As someone who is on the autism spectrum, I would not want to be healed. Even if there was a pill I could take that would remove all autistic characteristics from me, I wouldn't take it. I like who I am.

But what about my children who are on the severe end of the spectrum? Again, it is not the autism that is the problem. It is the things that go along with it that are challenging. So I would be very happy if they were miraculously able to communicate effectively with others. I would love it if our son had greater safety skills. I would love it if our daughter improved in her ability to learn. But none of that requires the complete absence of autism.

So how are you going to pray?

I encourage you to pray for families with autism. Ask them how they would like you to pray. But don't make things worse with your prayers and for the love of God (and I mean that literally) do not accuse families with autism of lacking faith!

Autistic Children Grow Up

There is an increasing amount of awareness and resources about ministering to children with autism. Of this, I'm grateful. In fact I hope that this blog and my book are contributing to this.

In many cases, it is not difficult for churches to have a heart for children with autism. They can be pretty cute and adorable. Everyone who meets our children fall in love with them immediately. They really know how to grab hearts.

But our son is fifteen and in three years he will be an adult (that makes me feel old!). It sometimes feels like people forget that all these autistic children will grow up into autistic adults. Adults with autism, while still amazing, are usually not as cute.

There may be some implicit assumptions that the church has a responsibility to minister to the children but later these people can be safely shifted to the periphery of church life or disappear all together. I'm not trying to condemn the church here. I think the media is partially to blame with massive coverage on children with autism and very little on adults.

If a church wants to be autism-friendly, definitely prepare to minister to children and their families. But as you do, remember that these children will become adults. What role will they play in the church then?

What I Would Look For in an Autism-Friendly Church

My goal for this blog and my book of the same name is to help churches become more autism-friendly. When I write, I alternate between wearing my pastor hat and my autism dad hat. This post will be written with my dad hat.

If I was looking for a church (which I'm not since I'm a pastor) and if my children with autism still lived with us (they currently live in a group home), this is what I would look for in a church.

1. Safety. Our son is a runner and has escaped many places and has had numerous close calls. We would have to know there was adequate supervision.
2. Patience. Our children make strange noises. We are not interested in getting the stinkeye from people who do not appreciate the sounds they are making.
3. Respect. We would not just want our children accepted, we would want them respected as human beings created in the image of God.
4. Integration. Our children cannot do everything others can do and that is fine. But we would not want them hidden off so that real ministry could take place without them. We would want them integrated into the life of the church as much as was feasible.
5. Practical help. Being an autism-friendly church is more than what happens on a Sunday morning. We would love it if people from the church gave practical assistance, whether that was respite, taking out our other kids for events or something else.

These are the ideas that come to my mind. If you have a family with autism at your church, perhaps it is time to ask them what they need for you to be an autism-friendly church.

What You Need to Know About Autism Speaks

This blog is aimed at helping churches support families who have autism. I know that one of the things that church members like to do is pass on resources. That is fine, as long as the family gives you permission.

However, I want to give you a warning that people outside of the autism community are unaware of. There are many people with autism who do not support and even strongly oppose an organization called Autism Speaks. This will seem strange because if you visit their website, you will find all kinds of very helpful resources and information. It all looks so good. I have shared information from this site.

So why do some people dislike Autism Speaks so much? There are a number of reasons, but one of the main ones is the feeling that Autism Speaks does not speak for people with autism, nor do they give voice to those with autism. You can read this blog post for one opinion on the issue.

I will be honest and say that I do not have strong feelings either way. I have heard some concerning things about Autism Speaks but have also seen some good things. I'm not prepared to endorse or condemn.

I share all of this only to say to well meaning church people that you need to be very careful when talking to a family with autism about Autism Speaks. There are all kinds of baggage that go along with this organization that is not found with others. Just be aware that it is a hot button topic within the autism community and act accordingly.

Autism, Theology and Baptism

I recently had the privilege of baptizing my daughter. For context, I'm a Baptist pastor and so we baptize believers as opposed to infants. While Emma is our first to be baptized, she is the fourth of our five children. Our two oldest children have autism and are on the severe end of the spectrum.

Baptizing my daughter has made me think about what baptism might look like for Logan and Abby. Baptism is meant to be an outward expression of what has happened on the inside. The problem is that with our children being nonverbal, I don't know what is going on the inside.

Abby is 13 years old, but seems to have an intellectual age of around four. With her communication issues, that is difficult to be sure of. Logan is 15 years old but is more advanced intellectually. He is able to demonstrate his intelligence in a clearer way. My intention is to try and communicate with him about faith and I can see the possibility of him being baptized.

My question is, how much does someone need to know about God to be baptized? What are the theological requirements? I try to get the basics across to those who are without disabilities, but what does this look like for those with intellectual disabilities?

This is not a post where I can offer answers. I really do not know. I do feel that in these cases that it is better to err on the side of grace and trust that God is in it in some way.

I would love to hear from other people about how you have dealt with this. If you are a pastor, what would you require in terms of knowledge about God before baptizing someone?

You might be interested in this post I wrote on baptism in general.

What the Church Needs to Know About Autism - Episode 5

In this episode, I introduce you to my daughter Abby. Autism is not just a topic or issue, it is about real people.

 

Disabilities, Church and the Idol of Excellence

One of the most common core values for many contemporary churches is that of excellence. That is not necessarily a bad thing. We should want to do the things we do for God to the best of our ability. But there are times that excellence can become and idol.

I have heard too many stories of churches that put excellence over compassion and respect. Leadership feels the pressure to compete with professional entertainment. If they are going to impress visitors, everything is going to have to be perfect. Anything that takes away from the "show" is unacceptable.

What happens when there is a person with a disability in the congregation? What happens if they make some noise or some wild gestures? What if people with disabilities take away from what leadership interprets as excellence?

My intention is not to be critical of what some leaders are trying to create in a worship service. I would just suggest that we all need to look back to the early church and the things that they valued in worship. I understand that we do not live in first century Jerusalem, but there are things that we can learn. Our starting point may not be with how to impress people but rather to reflect what God loves in our worship. It is possible that people with disabilities can make our worship services more excellent in a fresh way.

What People With Autism Want the Church to Know

I had the opportunity to ask some people with autism about what they want the church to know. I'm thankful that a number of people responded. This is important because I can only speak for myself. I want people to hear other voices. I hope that you will hear these voices and have a greater sense of where people with autism are coming from.

This issue is very close to my heart, so while I know I've already commented, I'll contribute some more. The church is the one place above all else where we should be loved and accepted just as we are. I do not want to be changed, I do not want my kids to be changed. God made us perfect for His purpose. Please do not make assumptions about behavior, from **anyone**. I should not have to disclose my diagnosis to a stranger in order to avoid dirty looks. I should not have to disclose my sons diagnosis to avoid judgement on my parenting. LOVE. That is all I want from my church. The lights on the stage really hurt my eyes. Sometimes I wear sunglasses in the sanctuary and I get dirty looks. It's not enough to block the bright lights anyway so I stopped wearing them and suffer through it. The shaking hands part of the service is very uncomfortable for me, but I'll do it. I am terrified of trying new churches because inevitably a pastor will ask us to do something extremely invasive like "turn to your neighbor and hold their hand" or "everybody tell your neighbor ..." - Sarah

I'm very much of an introvert on top of the autism so prefer to be able to sit somewhere relatively quiet and out of the public eye. Services with a lot of really loud music and bright lights would be a trial for me even though I like music and lights that a bit more toned down. I believe there needs to be somewhere for us to go when we are feeling overwhelmed..We often do better in small congregations (providing the others are accepting of us). - Carmel

Churches are designed and built to have a massive impact on the senses, to awe and overwhelm, they always have been from the days of choir and stained glass windows lighting up the serf's beige existence and babbling to him in a language he doesn't understand. Even still now with things like electronic PA systems and organs. They are literally echo chambers and when full of people the effects are magnified. Not ideal places for the easily overstimulated. - Callam

Thank you Sarah, Carmel and CAllam for sharing.

Disability Ministry as the Church's Mandate

In this video from Lausanne Movement in Capetown 2010, Steve Bundy challenges to the church to take the initiative in reaching those with special needs.

The Highlight of My Time at Church

I am a pastor and a father of two children with autism. My children live in a group home in another city and so have not yet been to the church where I have recently started pastoring. However, we do have a young man with autism at our church who is at a similar end of the spectrum as our children.

Knowing that everyone with autism is different, I have not tried to apply my understanding of my children on him. When I first met him, I said hello to him the way I would any other person.

He ignored me.

The next number of Sundays I greeted him again and he continued to ignore me (at least on the outside). Slowly, I noticed that he would give me a glance when I would say hello.

This past Sunday, after the service he approached me and asked me to pour him a cup of coffee. I asked him if he wanted milk and sugar, he responded and he got his coffee. It was our first conversation together and I was very happy.

I want to share this because you may meet someone with autism (on either end of the spectrum) and they may not respond to you. Do not push them but do not give up either. Make yourself available, show your interest, and let them come to you when they are ready. It is worth the wait.

5 Things Autism-Friendly Churches Should Avoid

I have been talking a lot about things that churches should do to become autism-friendly. I like the positive approach. At the same time, there are things that should be avoided as well. None of these are new, but they are worth reminding of.

1. Never use the word "retarded," even in what you consider an innocent way. It is offensive to parents of special needs children. I cringe at this word more than any swear word I hear.
2. Never bring up the vaccine-autism connection. The theory that vaccines cause autism is often in the media but you should never bring it up. There are strong feelings on both sides and very few people in the middle. If a family brings it up, just listen to their feelings.
3. Never offer a miracle cure for autism that you have found on the internet. There are many scammers that love to take advantage of desperate autism parents. Most of the "cures" out there are fake at best and dangerous at worst. Plus, the parents probably have heard about it a hundred times before.
4. Never assume that an autism family is too busy to be reached out to. Having a child with autism can be very isolating. It is not easy being left out of activities because everyone assumes you are too busy or tired to want to be involved.
5. Never, never, never give an autism family the stink eye when a child makes noise in church (this goes beyond autism). Giving a dirty look to the child is not going to make them stop. And it is not like the parents are unaware of the noise that they need your angry face to make them aware. If you want to get rid of a family with autism, just roll out the stink eye.

There are other things to avoid but this is a good start.

10 Commandments for Being an Autism-Friendly Church

I am encouraged by the number of pastors and churches that have talked to me about being autism-friendly. How can a church become more welcoming to families that have autism? Here are the ten commandments. Forgive the lack of King James language.

1. See people with autism not as a goal to be achieved or a mission to be accomplished but as people to be loved, respected and accepted.
2. Learn about autism by reading books and websites, as well as talking with families with autism.
3. See autism ministry not just about the person with autism, but ministry to the entire family , including parents and siblings.
4. Stop seeing a worship service as being the perfect performance and embrace the sights and sounds that go with autism.
5. Do not judge a person with autism by one other person with autism that you have met. If you have met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism.
6. Do not ask a person with autism what their savant ability is. While some people with autism are savants, the majority are not. If they have an ability they want to share, they will tell you.
7. Do not share the secret cure for autism that you read about on the internet. There are plenty of scams out there and families know more about these things than you do.
8. Do not assume that a nonverbal person with autism has a low intelligence or that they can't understand what you are saying. They may be more intelligent than you and likely understand every word you are saying.
9. Discuss with families any concerns about safety, whether the person with autism is likely to run off or how they might react to others during a meltdown.
10. Pray for the families with autism. While autism is not the end of the world, it is difficult and exhausting. Just be prepared in case God decides to use you as the answer to prayer.

I will include a pdf version of these ten commandments here for you to give to the leadership in your church.

What the Church Needs to Know About Autism - Episode 3

How is the Church Doing With Autism Awareness?

As I write this post, it is World Autism Awareness Day (April 2). Today at a church retreat, I had a conversation with another autism parent. We were discussing about how things were going with autism awareness.

It certainly is much better. More people are aware of autism than ever before. This makes sense when the numbers go up to 1 in 68 children being diagnosed with autism. Major news networks regularly report on autism. People know that there is such a thing as autism.

Of course awareness in the general population does translate into awareness within the church. Christians now that autism exists and that it is a challenge for many families.

But is this enough?

I would suggest that churches have not done near enough. They may be autism aware, but are they autism friendly? How do churches respond when families with autism begin to attend? How do people react when a child or adult with autism gives a squawk during a worship service? Do churches understand that there is major need for ministry, not just with the person with autism, but with the parents and siblings as well?

I am thankful that I pastor a church that is autism friendly. They are not autism friendly because I'm the pastor. They got it long before they ever heard of me.

I have seen some encouraging signs in other churches. In the past number of years I have received an increasing number of messages by pastors looking for help in become more autism friendly. I love that leaders are being proactive and intentional in ministering to families with autism.

Of course there is always room for more. So today, work on the autism awareness. But then go on to build a culture of autism friendliness.

One resource I have put together is a bulletin insert on autism awareness for churches to use. You can find it on my Free Stuff page of my website.

What the Church Needs to Know About Autism - Episode 2

In this episode of "What the Church Needs to Know About Autism," I encourage churches to eliminate the words "retard" and "retarded" from their vocabulary. What seems like an innocent word to some is devastating to others.

What the Church Needs to Know About Autism - Episode 1

The first in a series of videos looking at what the church needs to know about autism. In this episode I talk about the diversity within the autism spectrum disorder.