4 Things Not to Say to a Parent When a Child is Diagnosed With Autism

No matter what a person thinks of neuro-diversity and the positive aspects of autism, it is always difficult when a child receives a diagnosis of autism. There are a thousand things going through the parent's mind. It is natural for family and friends to want to encourage and comfort the parent.

Sometimes it is better to say nothing rather than to say the wrong thing. Here are four things that you should not say. These are things that have been said to us.

1. "God knew you were such great parents that he chose to give you a child with autism."
2. "Don't listen to the doctor, your child doesn't have autism. They are just a late-bloomer."
3. "Autism is not that bad. I know a family..."
4. "At least it is autism and not some terminal illness."

Don't try to explain why the child has autism. Just be there for them and let them express their feelings the way they need to.

5 Things That Parents Need When Their Child Receives an Autism Diagnosis

Even if parents have long been suspecting that their child might have autism, the moment that they receive an official diagnosis from the doctor is still traumatic. I can remember clearly the developmental pediatrician walking into the room with a box of tissues.

How can you support a family as they receive a diagnosis? Here are five things that parents need.

1. No advice. Some well meaning friends want to offer advice about what autism is and how to raise their child. Do not do this. Keep your mouth shut.
2. No explanation. Other well meaning friends want to explain why God allowed this to happen. This is even worse than the first one. Honestly, we don't know why God allows autism and any attempted explanation will always ring hollow.
3. Expressions of love. This can be as simple as a hand on the shoulder or an offer to listen when they are ready. There is a need for balance of not being too pushy but also not isolating the family out of fear of offending them.
4. Help with the other children. It is difficult to work through the grief of lost dreams and the other children can get lost in the process. Offer to take out the siblings to some fun event to give the family some time and emotional energy. See my post on siblings.
5. Prayer. I do not mean a public laying on of hands. Simply keep the family in your prayers. You can tell them or keep it anonymous. It doesn't matter. See my post on how to pray for families with autism.

5 Reasons I am Glad I Have an Autism Diagnosis

I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 46. Why would I do such a thing at my advanced age? My doctor didn't suggest it. It was all my idea. In addition, it is not as if there are programs or treatments (not that I would want them).

Since I do get asked this question frequently, I thought I would share five reasons I'm glad I have an autism diagnosis.

1. My primary motivation was to be a better husband. My diagnosis gives some meaning to the differences between my wife and I. I hope to learn on how I can connect better with her.

2. The diagnosis also helps my wife. She can see that my lack of romance is not because I am uncaring but because I have trouble understanding it.

3. The diagnosis helps me to understand many things that were a part of my childhood. I used to think I was just weird. Now I understand it was that everyone else was weird.

4. I am more comfortable with silence. I used to try and fill silence with meaningless chit chat. It was very painful. Now I learn from my nonverbal children and am okay not saying anything.

5. I am now more confident and happy with myself. For many years I compared myself to others (mostly people without autism). I am fine with my brain wired a different way. My only goal is just to be the best possible me.

Each of these reasons make me thankful that I have my autism diagnosis.

What Happened to Asperger's Syndrome?

You will still often hear people being described as having Asperger's Syndrome, which was considered a form of autism but without the communication difficulties. There are plenty of characters in popular entertainment portrayed as having Asperger's.

However, Asperger's technically no longer exists as a diagnosis. Now there is only Autism Spectrum Disorder. This means people previously diagnosed with Asperger's now either are diagnosed with autism or have no diagnosis. You can find out more information here. You can find the new diagnostic criteria here.