What is an Autistic Meltdown?

An Autistic Evening

One of the purposes of this blog is to increase awareness about autism. As much as I love to share the positive experiences, the reality is that there are some difficult times. I have no desire to use this as a platform for complaining, but I believe sharing the reality of autism will help people to understand what parents go through.

We just made a major change in how our visits with Logan and Abby go (they live in a group home 1.5 hours away). Previously, the group home brought them to our house Friday nights and I brought them back Saturday mornings.

Starting today, I went early in the morning to get them, with the plan that the group home would come and pick them up in the evening. That is two major changes for Logan and Abby. They are no longer staying overnight and I am now bringing them here instead of taking them back.

They actually did very well. Our visit was fine, with lots of laughter. Even when the van pulled up to get them, Logan and Abby got there stuff together and went out to the vehicle. Everything was going smoothly.

Then the van door got stuck.

Abby, a couple of minutes after a meltdown.

The worker tried to compensate by putting Logan in a different seat than normal. That was one too many changes for Abby (she was already stretched pretty bad). Abby got upset, which got Logan upset, which made Abby more upset and on it went. There was a lot of crying and shouting. They were both in meltdown mode and they were feeding off each other.

There was no getting them both in the van. The only thing we could do was for me to take Abby into the backyard and jump with her on the trampoline, while Amanda got Logan into the van. They then took off, while I got Abby into our car with the promise of a stop at Tim Horton's. Then off we went for my second round-trip today.

This is what autism is like. Changes in routine can easily lead to meltdowns. People with autism can feed off each other when upset.

Amanda and I were able to work as a team to deal with the situation. Not every parent is able to do this.

Again, none of this is meant as complaining. This is simply the life of autism parents. But of you want to support families such as ours, you need to know what life looks like.

The Side of Autism You Don't Want to See

We all love to see the stories of people with autism who are exceptionally bright or who have a savant ability. We are encouraged when we see people with autism who become very successful.

We need to see those stories but we need to balance them with the other side of autism.

In this video, you see a mother trying to comfort her daughter who is having a meltdown. We have had many experiences like this. It is never easy.

If you are church that wants to welcome families with autism, realize that this is one of the reasons why some parents are hesitant to attend church.

What Does an Autism Meltdown Look Like?

One of the misunderstandings about autism is that meltdowns are simply temper tantrums. An autism meltdown is so much more.

This is a good video of a meltdown that also includes the mom talking to her son about it afterwards. It is very helpful.

What to Do When You See an Autistic Child Having a Meltdown

The chances are you have seen a family out somewhere and their child with autism was having a meltdown. You might think back and not find that memory. It is possible that you have seen this but did not know it at the time. You may simply have thought it was a "normal" family with a misbehaved child having a temper tantrum and the parents not strong enough to deal with it.

This is one of the challenges of autism, it is often an invisible disorder. If a child with Down Syndrome was having trouble in a store, people might have more grace because there are physical features that point to the syndrome. You can't always tell that a child has autism just by looking at them.

My first piece of advice is to not just assume that the situation is about bad parents and bad children. It might not be autism. It could be fetal alcohol syndrome, mental illness or any number of other challenges that just as much need grace.

I hear from too many parents of children with autism that they receive nasty looks and even nasty comments when their child is having a meltdown. We have been there. I will tell you it is hard enough to deal with the child, bad attitudes by ignorant adults does not help.

Do not offer advice. You do not know the child like the parents do. You are not going to come up with a clever idea that will make a difference.

Do not just stand there and watch. You may feel comfortable slowing down on the highway to see the aftermath of a car accident, but don't rubberneck an autistic meltdown. The child is not doing this for your entertainment.

So what can you do? It is acceptable to calmly ask the parent if there is anything you can do to help. They may be willing to let you carry their bags or watch the other siblings while they take care of the child with autism. Or they might not need or want your help. But the offer is good. If they refuse your offer, walk away and say a silent little prayer for them. That is all you can do.

Autism is Not Always Cute

I have posted many pictures of our children and people comment on how cute they are. But autism is not always cute. In this video, a mother allows people to glimpse what autism can really be like. I can tell you that our two children have had many episodes similar to what you will see in this video.

What is a Meltdown?

A meltdown for a person with autism is not the same thing as a temper tantrum. This video will give you a good idea of what a meltdown is.